Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
