uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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