White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
