Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
