im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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