Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
