everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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