he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
