9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i now understand why vodka
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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