And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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