I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
