Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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