Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
