I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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