dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
