Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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