i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
