Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
