that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
