I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
