I will die if light touches me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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