laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
