its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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