just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
