My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
