its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
