Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything

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(847): View more from Illinois

i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order

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(315): View more from New York

at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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(450): View more from Quebec

I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life

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(812): View more from Indiana

gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

(219): View more from Indiana

I need you to use more vowels.

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(805): View more from California

I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.

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(813): View more from Florida

My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery

(941): View more from Florida

Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old

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