I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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