Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
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He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.