she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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