wanna go halves on a baby?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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