I'm fucking your sister right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.