My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE