Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead