Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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