How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
