I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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