Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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