haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
