What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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