i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
