True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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