it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
