i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
