i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
