I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
