My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
