the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
