Swine flu. Run for my life!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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