Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
