Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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