Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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