You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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