when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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