Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
