Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
