he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
