I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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