I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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