so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize