you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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