i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
