I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
