I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
