Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.