Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂