at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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