do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
