Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
