Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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