Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
