i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
