sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
